The story of Lizzie Beth started during the summer of 2013. I was at odds with my parents, sent off to spend the summer in the middle of nowhere Midwest with my ultra conservative grandparents. I love them dearly. But they drive me nuts. I was so tired of the status quo and of trying to be everything everyone else wanted me to be. I felt so boxed in, could hardly breath, and wanted desperately to find myself and be me. Don't say it, I get it...first world problems and cue the violins. But over the course of the next two years, while I enjoyed all the freedoms being Lizzie Beth afforded me, the experience morphed into my own, personal "Coming of Age" saga. Maybe one day I'll write a book. Of course, names changed to protect the innocent.
I could neither have predicted the connections I would make along the way, nor imagined how they would completely change my life. I met the most amazing gentlemen. Some as mentors. Many as friends. Hardly any as just "clients". I doubt most of them ever realized how much of an impact they had on my life. I barely realized it then myself. But they definitely helped me understand what a powerful individual I am and that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. So, If any of my old friends and mentors are reading this, please know I can never thank you enough. By the way, now that I'm old enough to buy my own drinks, I owe you one ;)
Like all good things, my fun as Lizzie Beth eventually had to come to an end. My father passed on and I've mostly severed ties with my extended family. I finished school and started a career that I love. I met a man and said "I do." I became a mother. I'm involved with several non profits I feel passionate about. Let's not forget play dates, ballet, gymnastics, and mommy & me.
So why do I feel so disconnected? Suffocated and suffocating? So alone? Sometimes I feel like I've lost myself to the expectations of others again. But who am I outside of those roles? Please don't mistake this for me bemoaning my poor suburban life. Nor is it a case of "the grass being greener". I know how fortunate I am. But is it so awful to long for something more?